Posts
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Elvis and Karate
"As a student of the martial arts, Elvis was one of the best. He was physically strong and his technique was excellent. Elvis was a master entertainer and a master showman, but he was also a Master Human Being. He demonstrated love and respect with sincerity and humility. Elvis taught me more than I taught him."
Master Rhee Elvis' Sensey
Elvis first came across Karate in the Army.
Elvis achieved a rank of 7th degree black belt.
Elvis showed no mercy.
In the dojo during training, Elvis would only go by Mr. Tiger or Tiger Man, which was his designated animal spirit.
Here is the most important Karate montage of your life.
Elvis in attack mode
Master Rhee Elvis' Sensey
Elvis first came across Karate in the Army.
Elvis achieved a rank of 7th degree black belt.
Elvis showed no mercy.
In the dojo during training, Elvis would only go by Mr. Tiger or Tiger Man, which was his designated animal spirit.
Here is the most important Karate montage of your life.
Elvis in attack mode
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sign on as a Twitter Follower And Win Some Sweet/Quasi Shitty Prizes
Thats right, we are trying to expand our twitter following. If you sign up you can win one of the following prizes.
1) A limited edition signed copy of the first Chronicles of Moobs News Letter. Antiques Roadshow recently appraised its value in the thousands (pesos).
2) A sub sandwich certificate. (I hope you live near).
3) A photo of Norm from Cheers.
4) A photo of a photo of Norm from Cheers.
5) I signed "I love Snacks" T-Shirt by the Moobs staff.
Sign up today.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Important Flyer That Needs To Be Distributed In Your City
Top Five Reasons Crystal Clear Pepsi Failed
Crystal Clear Pepsi
Who doesn't remember where they were when they enjoyed their first can of Crystal Clear Pepsi? That sweet citrus and cola combination was destined to gobble up marketshare in the ruthless carbonated beverage market...or was it? Were there shadowy characters steering this brilliant idea towards doom?Were the Russians involved? Perhaps, or was the introduction of Tab Clear responsible.Web petitions have been popping up all over the internet with people demanding the re-release of their favorite short lived soda.To move forward we first must learn about the past of this delicious drink.
Crystal Clear Pepsi 1992-19931) Van Hagar-Any time Sammy Hagar is pitching your product, night night.
2) Tab Clear By Coke-Split the market.
3) It was just to freakin’ AWESOME.
4) The Russians-Still working on this theory.
5) Colonel Sanders6) Ringling Bros
The Chronicles of Moobs
A Comedy Blog
The People Have Spoken!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Check Out Our Posting On Cracked
Important Events In The Universe
100 Billion Years Ago-The Universe Formed
1492-America Discovered
1934-Nachos Invented
1949-Ric Flair Born
Rick Flair Bio and History
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Famous Andy Kaufman Sketch From The Show Friday's
What makes this so brilliant was that it was on live TV. It starts out as a lame sketch and ends in a whirlwind.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Buffalo Bills Look Forward To Possiblilty Of Loosing Another Super Bowl in 2011
At his first press conference as the Buffalo Bills head coach, Chan Gailey announced his desire to lose the Super Bowl in 2011. “We have gone before and lost before and I think we can lose again.”The Buffalo Bills, who have lost a record four straight Super Bowls (1991-1994) are determined to return to their postseason ways.
“Our goal has always been to get back to the Super Bowl and loose,” Coach Gailey said to Chronicles of Moobs head writer Marty Bubbles, “We want to have a team that is good enough to get to the big game, but not close it out.” “For years people have always thought our team was a satire or comedic version of a Super Bowl team, but people don’t understand that we enjoy getting to the Super Bowl-we just don’t want to win.”
The last couple of seasons, the Bills have failed to qualify for the playoffs-coach Gailey is intent to turn it around, “we hope to improve, but not too much.”
When Bills owner Ralph Wilson was informed of the coach’s quote Wilson replied, “That’s why I hired him in 2011 I know we can lose the big one.”
Friday, February 5, 2010
Doc Science Again Answers Your Questions-Smart and Otherwise
Doctor Science is a monthly contributor/guest to the Chronicles of Moobs. She answers any science questions our readers have. If you have a question for Dr. Science please email us at chroniclesofmoobs@gmail.com. Dear Dr. Science- Over the holidays I received a Cryptex similar to the one featured in The Davinci Code. I can't get the word tacos off the front of the box. Do you why this is?
Taco Confused in Baltimore
Dear Taco Confused-The power and mystique of tacos has long baffled scientists. Congrats on your discovery.
Dear Dr. Science-I purchased a Hogwarts bookmark from a Sky Mall catalog. So far the only thing that the bookmark does is hold my page and has not delivered any damsels dressed like Princess Leah in Return of the Jedi at Jabba’s cantina. Any ideas?
Longing for Jabba
Dear Longing for Jabba-Hogwarts bookmarks are very special-however please be weary of cheap imitations. Sounds like Sky Mall is selling a bum batch.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Chris Botti To Play Entire 2010 World Tour From A Trumpet Made Out Of Sausage
Moobs HQ-
This summer Chris Botti will take on the challenge of a 50 city world tour playing from a trumpet made entirely out of sausage. He has already mastered his craft with a brass instrument, now it is time to do it with cured meats.
At first Botti was challenged with what type of sausage to use. Breakfast links would provide more of a kazoo sound. Italian sausage had a better sound; however it didn’t have the range. It wasn’t until a cookout out at his friends Todd’s house that he discovered the sound of summer sausage. He claims the sausage allows him to hit all the same notes and pitches as his brass trumpet; however the summer sausage has a meatier sound.
This summer after each song Chris wants to cut off a piece of his sausage trumpet and feed it to the crowd. He has always liked the intimacy of sharing his sausage with people. All fifty sausage trumpets will be made before the tour and will require a 50,000 dollar refrigeration system to keep them cool and fresh. Chris mentioned that he played on a bad sausage in New Orleans last year and he doesn’t want to experience that again, it really hurt his stomach.
This summer Chris Botti will take on the challenge of a 50 city world tour playing from a trumpet made entirely out of sausage. He has already mastered his craft with a brass instrument, now it is time to do it with cured meats.
At first Botti was challenged with what type of sausage to use. Breakfast links would provide more of a kazoo sound. Italian sausage had a better sound; however it didn’t have the range. It wasn’t until a cookout out at his friends Todd’s house that he discovered the sound of summer sausage. He claims the sausage allows him to hit all the same notes and pitches as his brass trumpet; however the summer sausage has a meatier sound.
This summer after each song Chris wants to cut off a piece of his sausage trumpet and feed it to the crowd. He has always liked the intimacy of sharing his sausage with people. All fifty sausage trumpets will be made before the tour and will require a 50,000 dollar refrigeration system to keep them cool and fresh. Chris mentioned that he played on a bad sausage in New Orleans last year and he doesn’t want to experience that again, it really hurt his stomach.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Confirmed: The Rose City to Host Richard Karn Festival
Chronicles of Moobs HQ Portland OR-
The much anticipated Richard Karn Festival has been confirmed by city hall according to a reliable source close to Moobs. The festival is to be held next year along the Portland Waterfront and will coincide with the Rose Festival running from June 7th through the 9th. Apparently a request was made by Navy Admiral Arliegh Burke who wanted the Karn festival to run along with fleet week. The Navy is a huge fan of Karn and may plan to make him an honorary ensign.
Local economist Fred Turner said The Karn Festival could bring a “multi-million dollar boost to the economy, those are the types of numbers he brings.” At first it was indicated that the three day festival would focus around his work as Al Borland on the hit series Tool Time. However, festival organizer Tim Johnson said this is a celebration of Karn as “whole performer.”
Day one of the festival is set to celebrate the actor’s work as a game show host, from his work on The Family Feud, to his work as the host of Bingo America and also as the pitchman for the ladder the Little Giant. Day two of the festival is set to honor the actor for his work in film. The actor has appeared in such films as Air Bud Seventh Inning Fetch and MVP: Most Vertical Primate. Day three of the festival will be a celebration of his work in Tool Time. Tim Allen has been confirmed as a guest on day three, as well as his neighbor Wilson, however he will only be appearing from behind a fence.
Tickets will be going on sale soon, stay tuned.
The much anticipated Richard Karn Festival has been confirmed by city hall according to a reliable source close to Moobs. The festival is to be held next year along the Portland Waterfront and will coincide with the Rose Festival running from June 7th through the 9th. Apparently a request was made by Navy Admiral Arliegh Burke who wanted the Karn festival to run along with fleet week. The Navy is a huge fan of Karn and may plan to make him an honorary ensign.
Local economist Fred Turner said The Karn Festival could bring a “multi-million dollar boost to the economy, those are the types of numbers he brings.” At first it was indicated that the three day festival would focus around his work as Al Borland on the hit series Tool Time. However, festival organizer Tim Johnson said this is a celebration of Karn as “whole performer.”
Day one of the festival is set to celebrate the actor’s work as a game show host, from his work on The Family Feud, to his work as the host of Bingo America and also as the pitchman for the ladder the Little Giant. Day two of the festival is set to honor the actor for his work in film. The actor has appeared in such films as Air Bud Seventh Inning Fetch and MVP: Most Vertical Primate. Day three of the festival will be a celebration of his work in Tool Time. Tim Allen has been confirmed as a guest on day three, as well as his neighbor Wilson, however he will only be appearing from behind a fence.
Tickets will be going on sale soon, stay tuned.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Portland's Hottest New Food Cart Sphinx-Ster Taking the Rose City By Storm
Portland Oregon-
Portland’s hottest new food cart Sphnik-ter is taking the city of roses and its foodies by storm. The ultra hip food cart changes locations on an hourly basis and where it shows up next is a total surprise. Sphink-ter is the first food cart of its kind to blend Eastern Block comfort food with Peruvian and Galapagos Island fusion. Chronicles of Moobs head writer Marty Bubbles was recently able to interview the mysterious food cart owner Crimson.
Marty B: Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us about Sphink-ter. Where did this idea come from?
Crimson: Yes. It came from a need to have East meet South America. I had traveled to Peru and was amazed by the people and the animals, in particular Yaks, I named my child Yak. One day I was in some sort of altitude trance and I had a vision of a dish of simplicity and complexity, pain and happiness and rain and drought. It was my inspiration.
Marty B: Interesting, tell me more of your signature dish?
Crimson: The Chimbote Nest is a dish that is very dear to me. We take pubes of Peruvian Sherpa and burry it in the ground for a month. Then we dig it up sprinkle it on quinoa that has been boiling at high altitudes and serve it in a conch shell.
Marty B: Your food cart used to have wheels but now it doesn’t please explain?
Crimson: We now only travel by hot air balloon. It is more gratifying. We have a large balloon that we attach to the cart that allows us to fly away when needed.
Marty B: Any new projects in the works?
Crimson: I have a new cart that shall be around soon. All we will be serving is hot flavored steam. The name of the cart will be hot steam.
Edited for clarity and content
Portland’s hottest new food cart Sphnik-ter is taking the city of roses and its foodies by storm. The ultra hip food cart changes locations on an hourly basis and where it shows up next is a total surprise. Sphink-ter is the first food cart of its kind to blend Eastern Block comfort food with Peruvian and Galapagos Island fusion. Chronicles of Moobs head writer Marty Bubbles was recently able to interview the mysterious food cart owner Crimson.
Marty B: Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us about Sphink-ter. Where did this idea come from?
Crimson: Yes. It came from a need to have East meet South America. I had traveled to Peru and was amazed by the people and the animals, in particular Yaks, I named my child Yak. One day I was in some sort of altitude trance and I had a vision of a dish of simplicity and complexity, pain and happiness and rain and drought. It was my inspiration.
Marty B: Interesting, tell me more of your signature dish?
Crimson: The Chimbote Nest is a dish that is very dear to me. We take pubes of Peruvian Sherpa and burry it in the ground for a month. Then we dig it up sprinkle it on quinoa that has been boiling at high altitudes and serve it in a conch shell.
Marty B: Your food cart used to have wheels but now it doesn’t please explain?
Crimson: We now only travel by hot air balloon. It is more gratifying. We have a large balloon that we attach to the cart that allows us to fly away when needed.
Marty B: Any new projects in the works?
Crimson: I have a new cart that shall be around soon. All we will be serving is hot flavored steam. The name of the cart will be hot steam.
Edited for clarity and content
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Jasper Jowls to Quit 82nd and Foster Chuck E Cheese Band
Portland– Its official, Jasper T Jowls has turned in his banjo for the last time, at least with the 82nd Ave Pizza Time Players. Jasper T Jowls quit the group last Friday. As one of the founding members of the band who was credited for writing such hits as “Pizza Smash” and “Throw Pizza at your Face” is citing irreconcilable differences for stepping away. Rumors for months have been swirling that Jasper is upset for playing second fiddle to Chuck E Cheese for so long. An insider interview under request of anonymity was quoted as saying that it is time for Jasper to “spread his wings in the solo world.” Recently, other reports have surfaced that are bit more messy. After Jasper’s bitter divorce to Helen Henny reports came out that infidelity by Ms. Henny and Chuck E Cheese may have played a factor. Chuck E Cheese has a history of womanizing with a recent list of women companions such as Krusty the Cat and Dolly Dimples. When asked for an interview Chuck E Cheese denied saying “ Let’s Rock.”
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Moobs Scoop: Kris Kristofferson Running For Govenor of Oregon
AP Portland-Breaking NewsPortland-In an announcement on the steps of the state capital in Salem on Tuesday singer songwriter Kris Kristofferson announced he is running for Governor of the state of Oregon. The man who cleaned up rock n roll and country music wants to clean up the beaver state.
"Today I come before the people of Oregon to say it is time to get things a moving doing stuff cleaning things up," Kristofferson said, "I have had enough of the crazy stuff."
Kristofferson announced he is running as an independent, “I don't like labels," he gruffed.
When asked about his experience and how he can help the state, Kristofferson offered this reply, "You ever see the movie Blade? I fought vampires in that movie-vampires damn it; name someone else you know who has done that. When Blade was feeling all bad I helped him out. Now ask me a real question."
Cont pg 6
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