Confirmed: The Rose City to Host Richard Karn Festival

Chronicles of Moobs HQ Portland OR-

The much anticipated Richard Karn Festival has been confirmed by city hall according to a reliable source close to Moobs. The festival is to be held next year along the Portland Waterfront and will coincide with the Rose Festival running from June 7th through the 9th. Apparently a request was made by Navy Admiral Arliegh Burke who wanted the Karn festival to run along with fleet week. The Navy is a huge fan of Karn and may plan to make him an honorary ensign.

Local economist Fred Turner said The Karn Festival could bring a “multi-million dollar boost to the economy, those are the types of numbers he brings.” At first it was indicated that the three day festival would focus around his work as Al Borland on the hit series Tool Time. However, festival organizer Tim Johnson said this is a celebration of Karn as “whole performer.”

Day one of the festival is set to celebrate the actor’s work as a game show host, from his work on The Family Feud, to his work as the host of Bingo America and also as the pitchman for the ladder the Little Giant. Day two of the festival is set to honor the actor for his work in film. The actor has appeared in such films as Air Bud Seventh Inning Fetch and MVP: Most Vertical Primate. Day three of the festival will be a celebration of his work in Tool Time. Tim Allen has been confirmed as a guest on day three, as well as his neighbor Wilson, however he will only be appearing from behind a fence.

Tickets will be going on sale soon, stay tuned.

Portland's Hottest New Food Cart Sphinx-Ster Taking the Rose City By Storm

Portland Oregon-




Portland’s hottest new food cart Sphnik-ter is taking the city of roses and its foodies by storm. The ultra hip food cart changes locations on an hourly basis and where it shows up next is a total surprise. Sphink-ter is the first food cart of its kind to blend Eastern Block comfort food with Peruvian and Galapagos Island fusion. Chronicles of Moobs head writer Marty Bubbles was recently able to interview the mysterious food cart owner Crimson.

Marty B: Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us about Sphink-ter. Where did this idea come from?

Crimson: Yes. It came from a need to have East meet South America. I had traveled to Peru and was amazed by the people and the animals, in particular Yaks, I named my child Yak. One day I was in some sort of altitude trance and I had a vision of a dish of simplicity and complexity, pain and happiness and rain and drought. It was my inspiration.

Marty B: Interesting, tell me more of your signature dish?

Crimson: The Chimbote Nest is a dish that is very dear to me. We take pubes of Peruvian Sherpa and burry it in the ground for a month. Then we dig it up sprinkle it on quinoa that has been boiling at high altitudes and serve it in a conch shell.

Marty B: Your food cart used to have wheels but now it doesn’t please explain?

Crimson: We now only travel by hot air balloon. It is more gratifying. We have a large balloon that we attach to the cart that allows us to fly away when needed.

Marty B: Any new projects in the works?

Crimson: I have a new cart that shall be around soon. All we will be serving is hot flavored steam. The name of the cart will be hot steam.

Edited for clarity and content

Jasper Jowls to Quit 82nd and Foster Chuck E Cheese Band

Portland– Its official, Jasper T Jowls has turned in his banjo for the last time, at least with the 82nd Ave Pizza Time Players. Jasper T Jowls quit the group last Friday. As one of the founding members of the band who was credited for writing such hits as “Pizza Smash” and “Throw Pizza at your Face” is citing irreconcilable differences for stepping away. Rumors for months have been swirling that Jasper is upset for playing second fiddle to Chuck E Cheese for so long. An insider interview under request of anonymity was quoted as saying that it is time for Jasper to “spread his wings in the solo world.”

Recently, other reports have surfaced that are bit more messy. After Jasper’s bitter divorce to Helen Henny reports came out that infidelity by Ms. Henny and Chuck E Cheese may have played a factor. Chuck E Cheese has a history of womanizing with a recent list of women companions such as Krusty the Cat and Dolly Dimples. When asked for an interview Chuck E Cheese denied saying “ Let’s Rock.”

Moobs Scoop: Kris Kristofferson Running For Govenor of Oregon

AP Portland-Breaking News

Portland-In an announcement on the steps of the state capital in Salem on Tuesday singer songwriter Kris Kristofferson announced he is running for Governor of the state of Oregon. The man who cleaned up rock n roll and country music wants to clean up the beaver state.



"Today I come before the people of Oregon to say it is time to get things a moving doing stuff cleaning things up," Kristofferson said, "I have had enough of the crazy stuff."



Kristofferson announced he is running as an independent, “I don't like labels," he gruffed.



When asked about his experience and how he can help the state, Kristofferson offered this reply, "You ever see the movie Blade? I fought vampires in that movie-vampires damn it; name someone else you know who has done that. When Blade was feeling all bad I helped him out. Now ask me a real question."



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